Some Advice from the Wounded

2017.10.18 - Weeping AngelsI don’t have to tell you life is hard.  You know that.  Hell, most of you are living that.  I get that.  I understand.  That struggle is real, it holds you down, holds you hostage.  You feel like you are so much better than you are achieving, or perhaps you simply yearn for a break in the clouds of oppressing circumstances.  Whatever, you know the feeling I’m talking of.  Life hurts sometimes.

It’s at those moments when we are at our weakest point, when our long struggle has us questioning every choice we have ever made, that the soft whispered lies that come from the darkness within begin to overwhelm us.

“I can’t do this anymore…”

“I’ll never get out of this shitty job.”

“I’ll always be alone.”

They linger far longer than any of us would like, months, years, heck, if you let it, a lifetime.  It sucks.

But life is a process.  We are designed to be tested.

This doesn’t lessen the pain, but instead works as a focus.  It gives you something upon which to move, a way to gird yourself and walk through the pain on to something better.

This pain you feel?  These trials that you face?  They are not the end.  They are not who you are.  You are more than that.  You are greater than that.  You have a strength you didn’t even know you had until you look back upon your tribulations and see just how far you have come.

It is easy to listen to the lies your brain tells you.  I see it in my friends from all walks of life.  I see it in the climate of the United States at large. (Damn right I’m getting political, just because I don’t post about it a lot, doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions. People have been shouldering a great burden for years.  This darkness has gotten pretty widespread.)  But this is a process.  We will push through.  We just have to work through it.  The birthing pains of a new life, a new job, a new outlook, a new world, they hurt, but they bring us just that much closer to something amazing.

I would like to share my experiences on surviving these birthing pains.

  1. Stop.  Take a deep breath, and center yourself.  You aren’t going to do you or anyone else any good if you are overly emotional or hysterical.  Fully accept that this is a test of your character.  The only thing you can control is how you respond to it.
  2. Take hold of that thing of which you can control.  Your response to those things bringing you down.
    1. Anxiety, do what you can to be kind to yourself then sit back and ride the wave.  You should have tools that help you to manage it, use them. If you don’t have them, find some.  Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself for using them.
    2. Life stress, brainstorm a plan, don’t worry about the details yet.  In the world you live in today, right now, where would you like to be in life, what type of person would you like to be?  Be realistic but take a moment to focus in on the best idea, the one that would bring you most joy, plan out a way to get there.
  3. Take Action!  Make sure you have a toolbox of healthy coping tools, make the changes in your life that lead you towards a better existence.  Even if they are baby steps they are still worth taking.  Moving forward allows you that small pulse of comfort.  You don’t have to be a prize fighter to win a war.  So long as you are moving forward, you haven’t given up the fight.  The weight you bear is heavy, but that doesn’t mean you cannot move with it on your shoulders.
  4. Create a support group!  Life was not meant to be lived alone.  Find others who can help you when the darkness gets too much to bear.  The load is a little lighter when carried by friends.  Be careful who you trust, but don’t give up trusting all together.  We are all fighting our own battle, it’s good every now and then to take a moment and sit at the fire with friends, to disengage from the war with people who understand how to refill your tanks.
  5. Give it time!  Change doesn’t happen overnight.  A big change takes a while.  Takes even longer when you are dealing with more than one person.  There will be good days and there will be bad days.  On the bad days, go back to step one.  You aren’t starting over, you are confirming your intentions and as all witches know, intention is key to great spellwork.

If this advice works for you, fantastic, if it doesn’t, find a better way, share it.  Promote compassion and kindness.

The world really needs it right now.



Happy Holidays!

Happy Holiday 2017.png

May you find peace and contentment in the coming year.

I say that, and I mean it, but it always sounds so trite.  The world is in chaos right now in a multitude of different ways, and this coming year is going to be a hard one for so many people.  But together we are stronger, community is vital for the survival of the species, even if that ‘species’ is your local geeks or writers.  Human beings are social creatures, and with friends, everything is just that much easier.

So while I know life won’t be full of rainbows and roses, I can hope that whatever may come, you can find peace with it in your heart, and a contentment in your actions.

Lipstick Trials!

Did you know that make-up expires?  I knew it did in that vague “it can’t last forever” sort of way, but I didn’t really have a good idea of how long it lasted beyond “a really long time.”  Apparently “A really long time” is less than 15 years.  Luckily, my friends love me and were horrified when I told them I was using make-up old enough to wear it’s own make-up.

Clearly, I thought to myself, I need to toss some of my older make-up.  I spent a few hours tossing everything older than 5 years and realized I … haven’t bought much makeup in the last five years.  My caboodle had some eye shadow, a blue eye liner, moisturizer and a few brushes left in it.

Like I said, it has been a while.

So there I was, without makeup for that off chance that I wanted to look fabulous.  Plus there was a bunch of neat videos on YouTube on this fantastic thing call ‘contouring’ and man, it made the ladies look amazing.  I want to look amazing too!

I have been slowly picking up pieces here and there when I felt like I could afford it. Let’s look at some of the lipsticks I have gotten recently.


Ignore my completely unmade up face and focus on those yummie lip colors.  No seriously, I don’t have enough make up yet to do a full face look, so the lips are all you get.

  1. Nyx Slip Tease
  2. Covergirl? Sapphire
  3. Vivid
  4. Nyx Liquid Suede
  5. Nyx Slip Tease
  6. Covergirl? Pitch Black
  7. Lipsense Blackberry with Lipsense Opal Gloss
  8. Covergirl Outlast All-Day Color & Lip Gloss

#2 and #6 don’t have the brand on them and I got them at Walgreen with #8 so I am assuming they are the same brand.  If I’m wrong, let me know, I honestly have no idea.

I am loving Nyx!  It goes on well and the color is fantastic.  The Covergirl(?) brand is what I am used to, less pigment, smears everywhere.  It works for a brief time, but won’t have that all day hold I enjoy.

Lipsense is GREAT with hold, I couldn’t hardly get it off!  It burns like hell getting it on though, so that is certainly something to be prepared for.  Once it was on it felt fine and the blackberry is BLACK.  I love it!

I wanted nudes too, and Covergirl’s Outlast was fantastic for that.  It is similar to Lipsense in that it holds all day, but it’s not in that plastic-coating sort of way.  I like it!

That should do me for lipsticks for the year.  Though I am thinking one more nude, something not pink.

What brand/color would YOU recommend?



Wrecker or Builder?

The below is not my work.  But it IS something I want to remember.  I need to make sure my focus is in the right spot.  This poem came at a perfect time to remind me of what my focus should be on.


As I watched them tear a building down
A gang of men in a busy town
With a ho-heave-ho, and a lusty yell
They swung a beam and the side wall fell.

I asked the foreman, “Are these men skilled,
And the men you’d hire if you wanted to build ?”
He gave a laugh and said, “No, indeed,
Just common labor is all I need.”

“I can easily wreck in a day or two,
What builders have taken years to do.”
And I thought to myself, as I went my way
Which of these roles have I tried to play’

Am I a builder who works with care,
Measuring life by rule and square ?
Am I shaping my work to a well-made plan
Patiently doing the best I can’

Or am I a wrecker who walks to town
Content with the labor of tearing down?
“O Lord let my life and my labors be
That which will build for eternity!”

Author Charles Franklin Benvegar

originally published in 1967 in “The Songs of the Free State Bards” compiled by Vincent Godfrey Burns.


Storytime! – The Odd Cyclical Nature of Life.

Storytime! – I kinda like posting these little snippets into my life because my story matters, god damn it, I am not going to let someone else write it for me.
Okay, so after the divorce I was still a Massage Therapist down in Illinois. To keep my license I had to do a certain number of Continuing Education Units (CEUs) a year. These CEUs were things like Ethics, Fascia Restrictions within Muscle Tissue and their Treatment, Energy Work, NMT training and the like. I’ve always been interested in healing people, but I took a very scientific approach to my Woo Woo healing, demanding results, instead of just accepting ‘conventional wisdom’. If I didn’t see noticeable improvement or never heard of any studies performed that proved it’s use, I simply didn’t use it.
That being said, I’ve seen some shit, so I still may go a little deeper on the mystical aspects than some are comfortable with, but everything I do is because I have some idea of what I’m talking about.
SO, I was looking into a Clinical Aromatherapy school and trying to save up when I met Mike. Needless to say, falling in love changed things. So did moving to Milwaukee and a shoulder injury that took away my ability to do massage entirely. That one shook me to my core. Here I had the perfect job for me and I lose it, completely unexpectedly. Taking classes for CEUs I no longer needed was the least of my concerns.
Things are calmer now than they were a few years ago and it’s allowed me to begin asking myself some of the big questions. Who am I? Who do I want to be? Who do I want to be remembered as? What kind of person I want to be when they tell my story? I came to the conclusion that I want to be the kind of person who helps people. It never changed. I need to help people because that is who I am. Because I recognize the individual’s struggle and I want to make their burden easier to bear.
Clinical Aromatherapy isn’t an exact science, I dig it. But I’ve gotten back into it’s study with a vengeance and there is a lot more scientific information on it than I anticipated. Hospitals in France are using it with great results and we have some really good information from their studies. It’s a supportive therapy and very gentle. Exactly the type of therapy I prefer.
2017-10-22 14.28.38I’m geeking out.
I’m making stuff again and it feels fantastic. I feel… stable. It’s such a great feeling. I may not be able to continue to work massage, but I can still help people in some small way.
That’s all I need to make me feel like I’m ‘doing something important’ with my life. Something that matters.
So yeah. Geeking out on Clinical Aromatherapy. It’s a thing I do. 

DR Hype – Please Stop Screaming


She stood by the edge of the treeline, shrouded in shadow. The hood covering her hair making the black marks upon her face even deeper in the failing light of the oncoming night.  She watched as the couple staggered over the hillside, the woman clearly pregnant.

Her eyes narrow as she assesses the situation, then steps back into the forest, making her way back to the compound silently.

~I don’t want to see you go, I don’t even want to be there~ Continue reading


Game Review: Hellblade Senua’s Sacrifice

For those of you who haven’t heard of this game, please take a moment to view the amazingly epic trailer above.

There is a lot of different reasons why I love this video game.  I’m going to make a list.

  1. It features a Pict as the main character and while it stretches the religion of the Norse, it doesn’t really break it.  The myths themselves are accurate and portrayed fairly well within the context of the game.  The Norse are the ‘bad guys’ in so much as they are the ones who caused the events that set off the story that you play in the game.  The Norse themselves are absent from the game itself.
  2. The graphics were stunning, but what made those graphics so amazing is that the game was actually acted.  The graphics are CGI, but the animations are motion captured and boy does it show.  This is one of the few games where it felt like the characters were actual people, and not something created to behave like people.  The eyes are what usually break that illusion and in this game, they eyes are nigh on perfect.
  3. This game explores mental illness.  The creators actually studied mental illness and had a group of people who actually experience mental illness who consulted on the gameplay and effects.  It explores it in a way that doesn’t pass judgement on those who suffer from these things, but as a way to show folks what these people deal with on a daily basis.  I have yet to find a game that addresses mental illness in a similar way.
  4. It is a shamanistic journey.  Outside of the mental illness aspects, this is a story of a woman going on a journey to save her loved one.  It hits several basic core aspects of shamanism and mysticism in varying different ways.  Combine that with the nordic mythology and it’s no wonder why this game is one of my favorites.
    The puzzles were fun and engaging.  Each area required you to think a little differently, yet still allowed you to utilize the skills you had gained in the previous areas.
  5. There are no levels in this game, so you didn’t have to worry about skill trees or equipment.  You immersed yourself into this world and just enjoyed the ride.  It was fantastic.  I didn’t have to worry about character build, the story told you all you needed to know.

It’s not open world, so there is certainly a specific path you had to take, but the story it wove made up for the more ridged outline.  It couldn’t have told the story with the same depth and engagement without giving you a little nudge every now and then.

They added a mechanic where there was a possibility of losing your game saves if you died too much.  I died a LOT and never lost the saves, so I don’t know what that threshold was but it was more than should be needed for sure.

If there was one complaint I had about the game and that was the fighting mechanics.  Senua is slow, and the monsters are fast.  That is okay but it means that in order to beat the fighting scenes you spend most of your time doing two things, dodging the incoming hit, and then following through with a slash of your sword.  No matter what you are fighting, that is pretty much the totality of the combat mechanics.  There is also no way to change target focus until you are hit, or you just so happen to hit the monster on your way to your current target.  It’s not a game killer, but it’s certainly less than ideal.  Luckily the combat was balanced by the puzzles, so in the end the clunky combat didn’t take up the majority of the game.

10/10  I would HIGHLY recommend this game.

Once you have completed your play through make sure to check out the little trailer included with the game, it goes into more detail with how the game was made and the various consultants that they had to make sure it was as true to life as they could make it.  Just be certain to do it AFTER you finish the game as it contains spoilers.


Q&A Tonight!

Tonight at 6pm cst I will be hosting a question and answer session for all my wonderful followers! Join us over on The Prophet’s Web Facebook page and chat with me! I’ll only be on for an hour, so don’t miss it!


Putting it Out There

So I downloaded OBS last night with the idea of using it for twitch. But then I saw twitch had a creative section where you can watch folks draw and put shit together and stuff. I got really excited because I’m an artist, and I would love to share my artsy things with folks via video!
But then I realized I would be putting myself out there for everyone to see, and what if people actually LIKED what I did? What if I actually became successful with my artistic endeavors?
Then I realized what a nightmare that would be. I have several things working against me. 1. I am female. 2. I am fat. 3. I don’t conform to beauty standards. I don’t want fame, fame gets you trolls, fame gets you stalkers and I have both already, I don’t really need anymore thanks.
But then I started thinking about how fucked up that is. I got really excited about sharing something I am passionate about, about doing something I might actually enjoy, and I had to pull back because some asshole out there will shit all over my happiness simply because I’m a fat chick. (and let’s be honest, even if I were stunningly beautiful in all the perfect barbie ways, I would STILL have haters out there who shit on my work, because WHY THE FUCK NOT.) Heck, even white men have folks shit on them for one reason or another because apparently shitting on folks is a national past time or something.
Think about how fucked up that is. All I want to do is share my passion with folks who are interested in what I do and I’m probably not going to do it because assholes exist and I don’t need that shit in my life.
That’s pretty fucked up.

Mrs. Fixit


I’m a fixer.

You have a problem?  I’m going to do my best to try and fix said problem.  I hate walking around an obvious solution.  Either do it, or quite whining about it.

It might take me a while to figure out what a fix is, but once I get to it, I hate wasting time trying to find other solutions.  Try it and if it doesn’t work THEN think of something else.  Life is short and I have living to do.

That being said, I have come to realize that approach doesn’t always work.  I’m nearing 40 now and I have been through enough in my life to understand black and white thinking can actually make it MORE difficult for the person I’m trying to help.  Sometimes fixing things for folks is actually taking away from lessons they need to learn, not to mention the toll it puts on my shoulders when I try to fix everyone’s problems. (That’s a whole other post!)

I don’t know if it’s tough love exactly but it certainly is allowing folks to take responsibility for their own actions.

It’s hard holding safe space for someone when you have been down the road they are on.  It’s hard not to want to shake them out of their daydreams to show them the end result of their wanderings.  But it’s not my lesson to learn.  It is theirs.  If they are lucky, they will get a different result than I did and many wishes that they do!

So after several years of torturing myself, I learned to listen without comment, to hold that safe space even though I know they are just going to get hurt.  If they ask my help, I will certainly give it.  But they have to be willing to show they are accepting of that help.

I do so desperately want to help people, I always have, but the greatest help I can give is to allow them to live their lives as they see fit, and to be there when they need me.

Life IS short, and we must do what we can, while we can.  I will not stand in the way of someone and their lessons because in order to get further on their journey they need to learn that lesson.

I struggled with that for a long time.  Heck, I still struggle with that lesson when I see loved ones making bad decisions.

But in the end it is their decision to make, and I must respect that.  Because, if they are truly friends, I respect them.