So I downloaded OBS last night with the idea of using it for twitch. But then I saw twitch had a creative section where you can watch folks draw and put shit together and stuff. I got really excited because I’m an artist, and I would love to share my artsy things with folks via video!
But then I realized I would be putting myself out there for everyone to see, and what if people actually LIKED what I did? What if I actually became successful with my artistic endeavors?
Then I realized what a nightmare that would be. I have several things working against me. 1. I am female. 2. I am fat. 3. I don’t conform to beauty standards. I don’t want fame, fame gets you trolls, fame gets you stalkers and I have both already, I don’t really need anymore thanks.
But then I started thinking about how fucked up that is. I got really excited about sharing something I am passionate about, about doing something I might actually enjoy, and I had to pull back because some asshole out there will shit all over my happiness simply because I’m a fat chick. (and let’s be honest, even if I were stunningly beautiful in all the perfect barbie ways, I would STILL have haters out there who shit on my work, because WHY THE FUCK NOT.) Heck, even white men have folks shit on them for one reason or another because apparently shitting on folks is a national past time or something.
Think about how fucked up that is. All I want to do is share my passion with folks who are interested in what I do and I’m probably not going to do it because assholes exist and I don’t need that shit in my life.
That’s pretty fucked up.